Author: John Aegard

Thursday night is Planarch night!

Our intrepid band arrives in the boom Chaos Sea harbor parish of Greatlune.  They jump in with both feet and take on a job helping some penniless Halfling-Cyclops pilgrims who were scammed by the local mob.  Some stuff goes down with a human faceman and some Rat Thing welders.  They recover some jingle and a chaos gemerald from the scammers but then forget about the pilgrims and spend the money on a week at a nice Fortune City inn and some armor repairs for the Paladin.  Fighting Rat Welders is hard on your armor!

Recall that our Wizard and our Bard have switched bodies.  The Bard put some rough necromantic miles on the Wizard’s body and so he is eager to switch back.  The Wizard, however is enjoying her new body and its Black Pudding heritage and is properly wary of the risk of trying to re-switch so she is not so eager.

Then the Paladin lays hands on the Bard to heal an unrelated injury.  His boxcars roll means that Saint Karth’s grace infuses the Bard and all the necromantic miles on the Wizard’s body are rolled back!  The Bard loves Karth!

(The Wizard loathes Karth.  The Paladin always rolls crappy on his rolls to heal the Wizard.)

The Wizard is suddenly interested in returning to her body.  Little does she know that while she is bathing in the basement tubs, the Bard is approached by a friendly Walking Greatrook with spidery mechanical hands.  The carrion bird offers to buy the Wizard’s Magmin heritage for J250, or double store credit if the Bard wants to buy some other fine heritage infusions that the Rook offers.

The Wizard’s player fumes.  The Rook will come back tomorrow with its equipment…

Thursday night is Planarch night!

On their way to the Chaos harbor of Greatlune, our gang must first travel through the foetid rat-thing landfill parish of Munmeek and the enormous urban park / game reserve of Thrimdoon.  Unfortunately Thrimdoon is in the grip of a horrendous ice monsoon.

The Bard pervs his Telepathy spell into a ritual to search for animal guidance.  A massive shaggy ice-mastodon appears!  The Bard’s huge Charisma is universal and he befriends the mastodon.  It leads them through the ice monsoon to Greatlune.  The Bard wants to take his new friend along on their adventures.  The mastodon hugs the Bard with its trunk!  It loves him.

Through the first four weeks of this campaign I have been raining hard moves on the poor Bard.  He has been sexually humiliated.  He is body-switched and withered by necromancy and if he eats anything he will die.  So I am super pumped to see his luck turn good and for him to get the ultimate badass animal friend!  I want to see them clean up the shitty districts of Greatlune from the back of a giant furry tank.

Alas, the fun-hating Inevitable/Paladin decrees that since the ice mastodon is the property of the owners of the game reserve, it cannot accompany the gang.  He shoos the mastodon away and it obeys because He Is The Law.  It disappears into the ice monsoon, never looking back.

Some intense bonds were written in the end-of-session.

Thursday night is Planarch night!

The party witnesses a Starfish Man being stoned by a Gorgon assassin.  While the assailant escapes, our Paladin rocks his Inevitable Heritage “End an Effect” move to save the victim.  But the Paladin has no Hold to spend on the move so I ask him to earn some by telling us about when he was first possessed by the Inevitable.  He tells us that the planar lawgiver was mortally wounded in a battle against an abomination and its essence used his teenage body as a lifeboat.  Inflamed by the weird law-passions of the Inevitable, he set aside his bookish ways and became a Karthite Paladin.

With the power of the Inevitable flaring behind his eyes, he explodes the statue and the Starfish Man emerges from the blast, unharmed!

Meanwhile our body-switched Bard and Wizard, who were lovers for one magical night in the Fleshbender lab, both move on to some revenge fucking.  The Wizard hooks up with a hot Fleshblender who has a beguiling talent for gender-switching.  The sad-sack death-magic emaciated Bard is stuck seducing a Ghoulish sea-captain.  But Ghouls do it differently and his mosquito-like proboscis is unable to penetrate the Bard’s bony hip.  Shamed, the Ghoul locks himself in the water closet and leaves the Bard to awkwardly let himself out.  The Bard is heartbroken and still pines for the Wizard’s embrace.  It’s all dungeonhearts in our Dis.

Other things we learned about Dis: 1) the Lightning Brains are native to the parish of Ynan and are basically massive plasma balls with brains inside them.  2) War Brains occupy orbs that are spiked like the head of a mace.  3) The parish of Greatlune borders the Chaos Sea and has sorcerous diamond piers that extend kilometers out into the maelstrom.  4) Vain sorcerers will spawn dozens of homunculi and cull all the imperfect ones, but some escape and squat in Ditchbiggin. 5) Starfish young bud off their parent, but only after a prolonged infancy of several years. 6) Starfish do everything slowly. 7) Vulture folk have a unique hook-and-dagger fighting style. 8) Vulture folk look like Skexis, but are way more limber. 9) Vulture folk were cursed to walk by a god after they ate a very wrong thing.