Author: Bob Bersch

And because no one demanded it.. Another update on my campaign.. But now a warning.. at some point there is some weird fetishie stuff that is at least PG-13.. kids stop reading.. though it is kind of funny.

Aryia awakes in the dungeon. All of her equipment gone and wearing just bright yellow linen shirt and pants. Has a manacle on her ankle. Stupidly planning to escape. Pretending to be sick then decided not to be sick. Asking for water.. then peeing in the water bowl (?). Making the water glow and sanctifying the water (cleric magic). Standing with the glowing water filled bowl over her head for 2 hours claiming it is magic. “I will share my magic pee with you all”

Brought before the magistrates. Open courtyard lots of crossbowmen, throne and chairs for city council, captain of the guard, lord of the city, still plotting to stupidly escape. “I can grab a guards spear…” “and die from being riddled with quarrels?” Talking with other prisoners, claiming she is innocent “me too!” “Aye we are all innocent!” Prisoners laugh. She gets bonked on head by one of the guards with his spear (not that hard, she a little elf chick after all) “When I am free you will be the first to die!” bonk more threats bonk couple of minutes of this bonk

The first prisoner , a highwayman named Mugar, charges read, robbed and killed lots of people, no way to make restitution, beheaded. Next prisoner, another highwayman named Samtat, pleads that though he took their coins he never killed anyone or injured anyone who didn’t resist. Also he has a way to make some restitution. There is a secret compartment in his crossbow that has several gems. The high priest is brought to the courtyard. The priest verifies the truth of what was said. Lord Willhem assesses the gems and commutes his sentence from execution to slavery for the church. Few more prisoners are tried and then it is her turn.

When the charges are read of course she interrupts bonk “you will have your turn to speak” more threats bonk finish reading the charges then she gets to speak. “I have come to warn you of a coming necromancer invasion! You need me to help defend the city! I am the best warrior here!” ” Why did you kill one of the city guards?” ” he was going to kill my wolf companion….” “He was leading the wagon with your captured wolf on it. I have already spoken to him. The church resurrected him.” Aryia gives an argument that since he is now alive it’s like he never really died anyway and Worthington could have resurrected him as well. When asked about the stables she burned and horses she injured she talks about trying to rescue her wolf and then goes off on a tirade about how the guards are weak and how she should be hired to defend the city. Then about how she could kill all the guards by herself and in fact could destroy a town by herself.

At this point the high priest rushes to her side and hurriedly whispers for her to shut the f*** up. He explains that he has already interceded with Lord Willhem her behalf and that Lord Willhem dislikes her and if you keep talking she will get herself executed. And that he is done all he can do on behalf of the Unnamed god that spoke to him the night before. Then taking a deep breath to compose himself he turns and faces Lord Willhem and quickly explains that Aryia has been given a mission by a God, and that the God-touched are sometimes unhinged by the experience. Lord Willhem has been sitting on his throne with one hand stroking his beard, looking very calm. “Enough priest. You have already spoken of this with me. Let the prisoner continue.. Go on..tell me more of how you will kill all my guards and destroy a nearby town… ” Aryia shuts up.. after a moment of silence, Lord Willhem continues. “No? Said enough you think? Captain Greel show me their assets.” After a moment he passes judgment. .. “In spite of your crimes since you are on a mission for a deity you will not be executed. All of your assets are forfeit to repair the damage done to the city. You and your party will be escorted four days hence and left at the edge of the shallow sea..” Aryia interrupts to try to explain about the sword she’s commissioned bonk “ALL of your assets are forfeit. You will be exiled from the city but before that your portrait will be taken and placed on wanted posters. A price of 75 coins will be placed on your head. Do not return to this city or its lands.” Aryia and Worthington are brought to the royal portrait maker that uses some kind of magical device to take a picture of them.

Aryia thinks about killing the portrait maker then realizes she would still be trapped in the castle. (Her player is asking me about this.. At this point I explained that they will both be exiled anyway so just wait. What is to be gained by attacking this guy? And you still have manacles and chains on and their are still four guards walking you both around). Soon they are placed on a wagon drawn by two horses, escorted by nine guards and a sergent. They stop by the inn Jocat and Baldwin are still at. They gather their gear and go with the wagon of shame. They leave the city.. now things take a turn for the weird… Since Aryia keeps making threats about killing the guards bonk she is kept manacled at all times. Oh and the guard that keeps bonking her on the head is the same guard, his name is Porbag but she calls him Bonk. He has to feed her, help her do her potty, etc. She goes on about how she will kill him when she returns bonk “You shouldn’t return to Westbar, Lord Wilhelm will have your head. He has already hung the wanted posters.” ” I will return, and I will have my vengeance. I will pee in your mouth when I return.” (Note from gm: hi-low roll to see how much Porbag would be into that. 11 on 2d6) ” You know, you don’t have to wait to return to have your ‘vengeance’…” and so things take a turn for the perverse..”ah I have had my vengeance.” “We have a few more days of travel, you could have vengeance a few more times..” and the best line in the campaign so far is…”As I pee in his mouth I tell him about my god.”

Still Aryia wants to kill the guards so on the last day she prays for divine guidance. The Unnamed god appears in her dream. “No don’t kill them, why would you think you should?” Weird rambling logic from her player. Aryia then asks about Baldwin’s new power. “He saw himself as a mighty warrior so I gave him powers to help him become one. As Jocat seeks lost knowledge..” “Yes you have giving me the ability to to make magic pee.” “Say what now?” “My pee can glow and is magical.” “I…see.. OK I see.. very well..” (Gm notes again.. the Unnamed god had given Aryia clerical powers.. but now he sees things have to be adjusted.) Morning and they are at the shore of the shallow sea (based on the front of the same name). Aryia tries to persuade Bonk to stay but he has a career in Westbar. When she last pees on him she notices that her pee does now glows and it made Bonk look younger and or healthier (pee power to appear in the next couple of posts). The sergent, the guards and the wagon head back to Westbar, leaving Aryia, Nymeria, Worthington, Baldwin and Jocat on the pebbly beach.

Campaign Meltdown…

Ah it all started out so bright and shiny. The last time we played the players had recovered the lost bandit treasure, overcoming the (very old) traps that guarded it. They exited the cave system that lead to the old bandit hideout to find a party of goblins had attacked their camp but were defeated handily by the NPC henchman left behind.

Immediately, Aryia (Chris’s character, a female elf ranger (Chris is a human male btw)) wants to track the goblins back to their camp and etc, etc. Worthington (Joanne’s character, a male human cleric (Joanne is Chris’s wife)) thinks it would be better to head back to the main city to prepare for the main quest (restoring the lost temple of the unnamed god they both follow and discovering his(?) name). Aryia sends her wolf companion, Nymeria, off to find the goblin camp.. five hours later she returns (‘lots of goblins, bad idea to attack the camp’ she tells Aryia). Aryia still wants to attack the goblins but then agrees to return to the city. Oh and wanted to leave Wothington’s two henchman to guard the camp(?..”This random area you got to by following a map?”).. that didn’t happen either.

So they get back to the city, visit merchants, sell loot (a shiny dagger, a few old books and four pocket portraits). The dagger, which they thought was magical though I kept telling them no but they kept ‘testing’ it by attacking walls and things with it. It turned out to be made of some kind of rust resistant metal and favored by sailors, worth maybe 5 times the cost of a regular dagger (so 10coins vs 2coins). They go to the river docks and try to sell it for 40coins.. (“A dagger is only 2coins.. so that one is worth maybe 10coins” “they don’t know that..” “What?!?”) This killed about 20mins. (Dagger was sold for 8coins).

Aryia wanted her rapier reforged to a masterwork blade and a jet stone installed in the hilt (with some idea of enchanting in the future). She pays and is told to return in a week. Worthington gets his armor shined and painted in the Unnamed gods colors (blue with red trim) and gets a spiked shield. The armor will be ready in two days. So far so good..

They decide to hang out in taverns and see what rumors they can hear. They learn that there has been a sudden surge in the robbing and selling of corpses. Grave robbers are grabbing corpses wherever they can and people are spending coins that are 200 years old (from the last great kingdom in the area). There are two graveyards at the city, one for the rich near the temple and center keep, and one for the poor, outside the city’s walls (which has been mostly emptied). Aryia decides to hide in the graveyard to catch the grave robbers.

She meets Todd, the grave site watchman, who doesn’t want help from from strange elf after his job. While arguing with her Todd hears noise in the yard and runs in, chasing to figures in dark clothing. Aryia chases, sending Nymeria off after them. The wolf runs and falls into an open grave… Aryia helps her out. They track the two over a wall and into an alley where they mount horses. Aryia runs back to her inn and gets her horse and gets Worthington to mount up and come to. They go back to the alley and follow the tracks towards the center of the city where they lose it.

They go back to the graveyard. Aryia is insistent that she needs to guard the graveyard. Todd thinks she is trying to steal his and his brother Johnn’s job, telling her to leave and accusing her of being a grave robber.

(This is where things go downhill)

Aryia explains she isn’t a grave robber and in fact caught the two that were here earlier.. but they untied themselves and escaped. Todd is pissed they had them and let them go, Johnn shows and tells Todd to check the other side of the yard. Aryia refuses to leave, has Nymeria threaten Johnn and so Johnn rings his bell for the town watch. Six men with spears and helmets lead by a man in hard leather breastplate, helm and shield show up.

(Going down hill faster..)

The Sargent of the guard, Sgt Gregor, asks what is going on. Aryia explains “we have to guard the graveyard.” “Who ordered you to guard the yard?” “..That guy in the tavern.” Aryia refuses to leave, the guard tell them they have to come with them, Aryia has Nymeria growl at them. Johnn spooks Aryia’s and Worthington’s mounts causing them to fall off, Aryia pulls out her bow and threatens the guards.. The guard try to use sleep splash potion to knock the two them out but A&W manage to avoid most of the effects (Johnn is knocked out however :D).

Aryia and Worthington dash through the graveyard.. Worthington falls in the same grave that got Nymeria.. Johnn and Todd ringing the watch bells.. More guards showing from different areas.. A&W escape by climbing to a nearby roof top and heading towards the inn.. Nymeria runs alone back to inn and is captured with nets.

Aryia leaves Worthington to make his way back alone and heads to where Nymeria was captured. By the time Aryia gets there, Nymeria has been bundled on to the back of a wagon (she is a big wolf) and a guard is leading the horse pulling the wagon away. Aryia shoots the guard in the head (!?!), killing him and causing the horse to spook and run away with the wagon. Aryia chases the wagon on roof top as the guards are yelling to notify the captain and the lord of the city.  

(but wait it gets better… let me add at this time, I was telling the player “are you sure you want to do this? maybe you should not do x because y will happen..etc” His response was “no this is part of my plan”)

When the horse slows, a guard catches it and they take the wagon and wolf to their guard house by the main gate (where the horse was running towards). Aryia gets there just as the wagon enters the gate. The watch is running around in small groups, lamp lighters are lighting lamps and the city is getting on the alert for the ‘murderous grave robber’. Worthington makes it half way back to his inn and then running into a group of watch. He escapes, getting his shirt ripped off in the process. Aryia stalks around the barn/watch house, looking through tightly closed shutters. She mentally hears Nymeria loss consciousness. Finding a window that seems darker and less noisy then the rest she breaks a piece of the shutters off to look inside. Bales of hay and straw for the stalls and over and around them she can see the wagon to the front of the barn with guards and a tall man in chainmail asking questions.

SO of course, Aryia sets the hay on fire and runs to front of the barn, timing her attempt to enter as the calls of FIRE go up in the barn. She burst in and runs into Capt Grell. Aryia shoots Grell in the chest almost killing him, Grell attacks with his sword and shield getting a couple of good hits in. Horses are running out of the now badly burning barn. Aryia fumbles and spills all her arrows on the ground. She throws her bow at Grell to slow him down as she runs past him into the barn (?). Running to Nymeria, she pulls the net off her but can’t wake her. So she tries to jump on the back of one of the last horses fleeing and misses… Capt Grell rushes her as she explains “we have to work together to save the barn” before she is bashed into unconsciousness. Worthington is stopped by some watch as he is about the enter his inn.. “why are you covered in dirt?” “oh that happened at the graveyard.” “you were at the graveyard? the captain will want to talk to you…”

Now I can think of several ways to turn this all around but no really sure if it’s worth it..