It’s that time again! Looking for some thoughts from the community on a playbook I’ve got worked up. I always love hearing other people’s takes. Still fleshing out the white space of the advanced moves but just asking for critique of the current layout.
The Cloak
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B99hPl0o50Y8Ym1acHBoemhDUVk/edit?usp=sharing
The second two options in Minor Cloak Mastery are not supposed to be there. They’ll be taken out.
There’s kind of a lot going on here. The first page looked OK (though it has a few places where it strays from the usual conventions) however I don’t like how there’s a Starting Move on the second page. It feels both out of place and as if there are too many moves. This is just my opinion, but you might need to give the class a tighter focus, especially if you want to fit all the Starting Moves onto the first page (which I think is a good idea).
Hi, I will tel you what I don’t like, because I like 90% of what i’ve read: the STEALTH drive should be rounded out / explained a bit. As it is, it seems as if one wanted to play to do many STE rolls.
I don’t like The name “Cloaking Device”, albeit it’s quite ironic.
The BLOODLUST move is quite void and pointless, exp. compared to others more powa and (red) colorful moves.
Overall…Yeah!! Just want to play it now. I’d create some more moves to help understand who is this misterious figure.
Christopher Stone-Bush That’s so funny you mention that, because, even though it’s really only development of two things, the teeth and cloak, i feel like there’s a lot of bricks but a lack of mortar. I feel like something is missing to bring it all together. What do you think about removing “Summoner” and placing the Just A Taste there?
The gear section was meant to act like gear, since you don’t actually get anything else besides the teeth, and its innate move. It felt like it connects the teeth and its move together and Just A Taste doesn’t quite fit as a separate advanced move. Though, maybe, in fact, it should be an advanced move.
Diego Minuti Thanks Diego. What do you mean by STE rolls? And what aspects of stealth do you think it could use? You could essentially gain a lot of +1’s to your rolls with Bloodlust. You really feel it’s not that powerful?
I think there are a lot of great ideas here. I think with a tighter focus, this could be a fun class. Like you mentioned, you have two main themes going in here — the cloak, and vampirism — I think you need a little more fiction to bring them together. Maybe the cloak actually causes the need for blood? What if its use drove the wearer to drink? Seems like there’s potential here to tie the two together through some moves.
Some other specific things:
– The “Butcher” seems overpowered compared to the other races. I think you could drop it completely from the list since you already have 3 decent other backgrounds. Otherwise, maybe chance to “When you would normally take a debility, instead take -1 forward.” Or something like that, so at least there was a momentary affect from whatever triggered the debility.
– I think it’s the starting moves where you could really tighten up the focus. Maybe you could include a move just to explain the Cloak itself, without all of the moves that can be performed by it.
– On the cloak master moves, since you can select more than one from each list, I think you could break them into separate selections. Usually when you list them in a group like that, you can only select one (or a few) and that’s that.
– Are the “Messy” incisors meant to have the “messy” tag? If so, I think that’s enough without the +1d3 damage. Otherwise, a different name would help clarify.
– A “paralyzing” venom would also paralyze the target, right? That’s not clear in the option.
A final thought: have you considered making the cloak a magic item instead of a basis for the class?
Alex Barrett Good thoughts, I’m going to take another look. I agree that the butcher does not quite fit, I just had extra room there.
I first started off making a vampire class, but didn’t want a straight-up vampire, and then found that I was focusing more on the cloak. I am trying to leave a lot of horizontal expandability so that the player can have somewhat the same traits, but then expand on their uses as they see fit to customize their playstyle. I think there’s a lot here that wouldn’t be doable with just a magical item.
Can you elaborate on what you mean by a move to explain the cloak but not what can be performed by it?
Damian Jankowski For the cloak move, I was thinking something that would ask the player to describe where/how they acquired the cloak and have that influence its traits.
Now that I look at the Starting Moves again, you’ve got a start of this, already. Maybe you could just add a “Cloak” heading for the set of cloak options and expand the “You came upon a mysterious cloak” section.
Big changes to the layout of the playbook. I would love to have this complete tonight and playtest it this weekend so please take a look! I took many of your ideas and developed it into a silent hunter. To me, it finally has that mortar that I felt like I was missing to the bricks. All input welcome! I rewrote the moves like a million times everyday and still need to fill out a few more but I still have tons of ideas.
With the spear version of Dark Weapon, I need to remove the returning aspect because that basically negates the point of the bow. I just can’t think of a valuable attribute. Ideas?
Looking good!
– The “Charm” option in “Just a Taste” is confusing. Does it allow you to target another creature or the one you are currently engaged with?
– I think you could drop the race requirements for some of the advanced moves. It would open up a few more options for a player without hurting much.
– Is the “Assimilate” move permanent? That’s pretty awesome and powerful. Sounds like “Apotheosis” on steroids. If you’re looking to add another move, you could break it apart into a temporary version for the 2-5 level option and a permanent 6-10 level option.
– For hidden room, can you remove the cloak to hide the portal entrance? That might make for some interesting possibilities – trapping another creature within the room, ambushes, etc.
– I like the sound of “Shadowscaping” – look forward to reading it.
Alex Barrett
I thought about somehow benefiting each race in one specific way that others couldn’t have, but perhaps that’s a sound idea.
Yes, charm targets the creature that you bite.
Assimilate is perm, but I like the idea of breaking it up. I’ll see how I can do that.
Yes, removing the cloak removes the entrance/exit unless it is reestablished.
Damian Jankowski The race-based path is an interesting idea, and now that I see it, it makes sense for the Vampire to only be eligible for Bloodlust since it’s a much bigger boon for other races and would end up deflating some of the Vampire’s move.
As far as the Dark Weapon, the only thing I could think of off the top of my head was to keep the ethereal arrow option and then add a third form for a Glamoured Cloak, something to allow you to alter its form and shape to resemble any type of clothing.
I’m just wondering wether a vampire doesn’t deserve a playbook of its own.
That was my first plan when I started, to create a vampire playbook, but I decided to use aspects of the vampire without making the class based off the cliche vampire we have all come to know. Though, I’m sure there are some who would love it exactly that way.
Updated. Almost finished with it.