I read through the first release and generated a lot of feedback. I’m going to split it up so it’s a bit easier to digest. First though I’d like to say, great job! Regardless of any critiques that follow, in general, I really like what you’ve done and the fact that you’ve put the effort in to do it and share it with us. Kudos.
On to the general feedback.
Standardizing to d6 is a perfectly logical change that makes me sad. I understand why it was done, but I think there’s a pleasing haptic quality to having different die sizes for classes.
All of the classes seem like graceful evolutions, and improvements on the originals with a clear path from DW to this hack. They’re more mature renditions of the same concepts. Except the Ranger. The changes to the Ranger seem very out of character with the original Ranger and with the other changes in this hack. More on this in my Ranger feedback.
I really like the changes to Look, bringing in the gender and race options here is good innovation and doesn’t preclude things like the race moves from Grim World.
I’ve always thought rations should be treated like ammo, instead of a use system like adventuring gear. I know some really enjoy the bookkeeping of ration tracking but I think it will interact weird with Manage Provisions. If you reduce the amount of rations consumed, who gets to skip using one? Possibly should be just a group resource (this kinda pushes more PVP oriented games out though).
It seems like a lot of the Multiclass moves have had “ranks” removed? I’m assuming this was intentional? Any reason other than trying to maintain class uniqueness? Also do multiclass moves still need the “one level lower” clause? It seems like bookkeeping for little benefit, most moves don’t even care what your level is.
Throughout the book there is Inconsistent formatting of Forward and Ongoing, sometimes capitalized sometimes not.
p. 6
What benefit is intended from a 10+ on Navigate? Doesn’t it just mean you have to spend more time in a dangerous location? Or is the danger negated by “you avoid dangers”?
I think some clarification on when to roll Stay Sharp would be helpful. As written if you roll Stay Sharp every time you make camp, something will always approach.
p. 7
Why messy and vicious? Seem like they cover a lot of the same territory.
What happens on a 6- of I’m Back? Are they lying? Just a harder 7-9? Still get an XP? Do you have to roll this?
I know Outstanding Warrants is RAW, but it could use some clarification. Is this something you want to roll high or low on? What is the fiction of rolling high?
p. 29
No steading rules at all?
p. 30-31 I’d move the Threats from 31 recto to 30 recto, and put the follower rules together on 31.
Like the Threat Types inclusion
There should be a threat: Nature includes things like exposure, storms, etc…
Thanks for the extensive feedback. This has been great to read through.
Multiclassing moves have been cut down to keep the classes feeling unique, yes. The “one level lower” is just to prevent possible edge cases (not necessarily malicious ones) of, say, the Fighter taking a move from the Cleric, even though there’s already a Cleric in the party. Even though, for the most part, these moves don’t care all that much for your level.
I’ll correct the formatting of Forward and Ongoing where I find them; they should all be capitalised.
We’ll be looking into what we can do with the Ration situation and about the “Adventure Moves.” Thanks for the feedback there.
Messy just means that you’ll destroy whatever you’re hitting; Vicious means it’s painful, will bleed terribly, and will definitely leave scars. Similar territory, but not identical.
I’ll fix up I’m Back, and possibly cut it. Same with Outstanding Warrants; we want to have a more comprehensive system for Fame and Infamy anyway. As-is, a 10+ result means everyone knows, a 7-9 means everyone knows and someone’s got leverage on you (a bounty, someone in trouble, etc), and a 6- result means worse than that (but I agree, the lack of a stipulated 6- result doesn’t help matters).
The steading rules were cut because a lot of the people I talked to didn’t actually use them; they were great for out-of-session prep, but not so much for in-game generation, and had a good chance regardless of not actually providing something for the players to latch onto. The original DW Steading rules should work perfectly fine here still, but we were of the opinion that a “quick and easy” Instant Steadings system (like the one for PCs) would be more useful for GMs.
Threats are generally something a player can interest with, so I’m unsure about storms and exposure. The booklet is also ordered with print in mind; when combined, the Follower rules and the Moves are together. If I’ve messed that up, I’ll fix it.