For review
Dust of Elryk
A light cerulean blue powder. Highly prized by sorcerers and warlocks. Made by the monks of Rise from a rare fungi that only grows in elven realms.
When snuffed roll + con.
-10+ take +1 forward on any magic related roll.
-7-9 Take +1 forward but also choose one:
Use 1 dose and suffer minor hallucinations. Describe. The hallucinations can be seen by your friends.
Use 1 dose and suffer physical symptoms (shakes, sweats, vomiting, etc.). Touching a friend removes the sickness and transfers it to them.
-6- Use 1 dose. No effect.
I like the descriptive paragraph, but the rest of it doesn’t do much for me. Gaining +1 forward on a magic related roll is kind of… well… boring in my opinion. Also, as written, the 7-9 result grants +1 forward to any roll, not just something magic related.
The downsides of the 7-9 result are interesting, though I might have them grant the Stunned and Sick debilities. I very much dislike the 6- clause. Results of “nothing happens” should really be avoided in my opinion.
How does the dust help increase the user’s magical ability? Do they see the winds of magic? Are the fungal spores magical enhancers? Deciding fictionally how the dust works and incorporating that into the effect would help improve the move.
Thanks Chris. The 7-9 is a typo. Agree about the debilities. I think fictionally I want the player to tell me how it works.
Asking for player input is a great idea and you should do it constantly. But I feel it’s hard to write an interesting and flavorful move if you leave too much out of it.
Updated version
Dust of the Moon
A light cerulean blue powder. Highly prized by sorcerers and warlocks. Made by the monks of Rise from a rare fungi that only grows in elven moon gardens.
When snuffed roll + con.
*10+ take +1 forward on any magic related roll. Describe how this affects you.
*7-9 Take +1 forward on any magic related roll, but also choose one:
Use 1 dose and suffer minor hallucinations. Describe. The hallucinations can be seen by your friends. Debility to Int.
Use 1 dose and suffer physical symptoms (shakes, sweats, vomiting, etc.). Touching a friend removes the sickness and transfers it to them. Debility to Str/Dex/Con. Player choice.
*6- Use 1 dose. The hallucinations are very real. Gain XP.
I think it should look something like this:
When you snuff a pinch of the Dust of the Moon, mark off a use and roll +CON. On a 7+, take +1 forward on a magic related roll. On a 7-9, choose one:
– mark Stunned as you suffer minor hallucinations;
– mark Sick as you suffer physical symptoms (shakes, sweats, and vomiting).
Touching someone transfers the symptoms to them, removing them from you.
I actually like the idea that people in the area can see the hallucinations. I think the hallucinations-by-all should be the 7+ result. 10+ gives you +1 forward to magic. 7-9 means there are debilities involved (choose one) but I would maybe reword the passing on a sickness one (maybe you and 1 nearby person takes the chosen debility). 6- and the GM creates the hallucinations everyone sees and maybe gives everyone in the immediate area a debility?