How would you make this move better?
So I am almost finished with the Master Minstrel playbook but there is one key move that I want to include that is a combination of too long and too vague. Could I get some insights into what people think of it? Is the need for the target’s greatest desire unnecessary?
Premise: A Bard is able to control their tone and wording perfectly, combining it with the world’s arcana to have magical effects (yes, this will be a very magical bard class). Just as Gandalf was able to demonstrate power when he spoke loudly, or how a Jedi can affect the mind of a Storm Trooper, the idea is for simple speech to work the same way for the Bard.
Heart of Hearts
When a Minstrel speaks passionately and directly from the heart, words are fluent and meaningful. The perfect combination of wit and tone can be powerful enough to blend with the ambient arcana, altering the world or people around you. In this lies a Minstrel’s true power.
When you touch another living thing, the GM will provide you a word that speaks to you of their greatest desire or intent. You must incorporate this word in your phrase to align your magic with the target. You may attempt to incept any phrase or idea and have some level of effect, but the power of its benefit will be the GMs judgement of how well it speaks to the word provided and the target’s true beliefs or portents.
The cost of a Minstrel’s power in this way is a personal one. With each word spoken, your HP will reduce by one, but can be replenished at anytime with any method one would typically use to do so (e.g. potions, spells, etc.).
In my head, this allows the player to always have some ability to do things this way, at a cost to their own HP as it relates to their “heart” and personal connection. It’s meant to be very powerful to the Minstrel’s own well self and well-being.
That was the reason not to have a roll. However, this made sense in my mind and might not make sense to the player as, yes, it requires the GM to be a fan of the character and work with the player rather than the roll to determine the outcome.
Does that seem more convoulted than necessary?
“Does that seem more convoluted than necessary?” Yes, IMO.
You ever play D&D and have someone use Sending (send a message to anyone anywhere, limited to 20 words)? Things grind to a halt as they try to minimize their words. And that spell has 10 minute casting time, so it’s never being used in the heat of the moment.
With this, you’ll be introducing that count-the-words minigame into something that’s taking place in the heat of the moment, during a conversation. I picture a lot of grinding and crunching. And then you’ve got the whole “effect by GM fiat,” which introduces another level of processing.
Also… I think you’re putting too much fluff into the description of the move, rather than letting the trigger and resolution imply the fluff for you. I think that’s part of why you think it feels too long.
I’d recommend making 2 separate, short moves, and use a roll for the second one. Something like:
Heart Word: when you touch another living being, ask the GM for their heart word: a single word that speaks of their deepest instincts, desires, or intentions.
Speak to the Heart: When you suggest a course of action or a new idea idea to an NPC, incorporating its heart word and lacing it with arcane arts, lose 1d8 HP and roll+CHA. On a 7+, your suggestion takes hold in the target’s heart, but the GM chooses 1 (on a 10+) or 2 (on a 7-9).
– The effect is fleeting or temporary; they will soon revert to form
– They take it too far or otherwise misinterpret it to problematic effect
– They’re will is strong; you must spend another 1d8 HP for the power to have effect.
Jeremy Strandberg looks good to me, except that the player should choose the outcome and there should be no or minimal hp loss. They may be affected by the wisdom or constitution debility, instead.
I don’t think the player should choose, because the GM needs the ability to choose what’s appropriate for each NPC. People (be they humans, elves, angels, fae, whatever) are complex and unpredictable.
The HP loss is meant to mirror Damian’s initial version. I agree that the move works without the initial HP cost.
These are great points that I actually completely agree with. The imagination gets in the way sometimes. The HP loss was there to take the place of a cost in light of no roll being present.