So in my current game the players are on board a massive train that travels between some of the major cities because the rest of the world is overrun by giant monsters that come out of a big chasm in the center of the continent.
It’s currently under attack by raiders riding giant snakes and they established last game that the train has a huge artillery turret on the top of it that needs two people to fire it. We just winged it last time, with the spotter rolling to Aid and the gunner using Defy Danger+Dex but that didn’t feel quite right so I came up with this.
When you take aim and fire the Train’s main gun, roll +Bond with your spotter.
On a hit, deal b[2d10]. On a 7-9, choose one.
* The shot went wide and wasn’t a direct hit, deal w[2d10] damage instead.
*The gun has suffered some sort of malfunction, it will need to be repaired before it can fire again.
* You’ve made the shot but it’s drawn unwanted attention or caused unexpected collateral damage.
This is the first time I’ve really made a custom move before, any suggestions/critique/etc?
This move is fantastic. Hands down 🙂
One comment though, you might want a reason to take the second option. While it’s implied, it doesn’t actually say that you deal b[2d10] damage if you choose it. Neither does the third.
You can fix this easily by changing “On a 7-9, choose one.” to “On a 7-9, you also choose one.”
Looks good to me! With custom moves, I always find it’s important to keep a focus on exactly what you’re trying to do- what exact thing is the success the characters are looking for? Once you’ve got that narrowed down, you can work out the cooler bits (the 7-9 drawbacks). Your move does this well
I like the move in general, and the idea of changing b[damage] to w[damage] as a 7-9 result – very elegant option.
What are b[damage] and w[damage]? I haven’t seen that notation before.
Thanks for the kind words, I’ll change that wording to make it more precise.
Joshua, they mean best of and worst of, respectively. So in this case, you roll two d10 and use the best of the two rolls for damage dealt.
Ah, thank you.
Hmm. I like the idea behind this Move, but the “repair before firing again” option feels like a 6- result to me.
It’s all about fictional positioning. Is this gun so sensitive or malfunction-prone that “not being able to fire again until it’s repaired” is only a moderate consequence? If so, then carry on. But that means (to me at least) that something truly catastrophic happens on a 6-. Like a fire in the ammo chamber, for example.
What about a Move that has player choosing some things that don’t happen? Like this:
When you take aim and fire the train’s main gun, roll+Bond with your spotter. On a hit, deal 2d10 damage. On a 10+, choose 2. On a 7-9, choose 1:
○ The gun won’t take a long time to recalibrate.
○ You don’t drawn unwanted attention to yourself.
○ You land a devastating direct hit. Increase the damage to b[2d10].
With “don’t, won’t, or haven’t” clauses, anything the players don’t choose happens. So in this case, on a 7-9 the player can choose the increased damage option, but that means the WILL draw unwanted attention and the gun WILL take a long time to recalibrate.