This is the most obscure thing I’ve ever written for the Planarch Codex, but I though it would be fun to reshare it here. It was originally posted in a group about hip-hop and RPGs.
Dear Sucka MCs,
Hip-hop is introduced to the city of Dis 1,500 years in the future. You, however, have decided you can’t wait that long. As members of the gifted-but-inexperienced crew, An Immortal Ruckus [or insert your crew’s name here], you got tired of being straight-up destroyed by every mediocre MC in the year 4268 of the Sultana’s reign, so you’ve magically time-traveled 3,000 years in the past to “invent” hip-hop and become the undisputed Lordz of Dis.
Have your best MC roll+CHA to see how this has gone so far:
On a 10+, you have successfully cultivated a small but vibrant scene. Sure, the music isn’t quite what you had in mind, since it’s often a couple of fiddle players doing ragtime in the background while one of you beats out a rhythm on a cast-iron kettle, and your crowds are mostly ratmen and spiderfolk so far, but it’s a start, right? And this one spider, who calls herself The Most Loquacious Widow, would honestly be quite sick on the mic, if there were actual mics, and if you could prevent her from stopping to feed on audience members in the middle of her set.
On a 7-9, there’s not a scene exactly, but it hasn’t been a complete catastrophe. You’ve gotten a regular gig at a small, slime-covered bar near the old river and there’s a crowd of folks who you suspect are necromancers and diabolists who show up every Sultanasday to hear you spit. Afterwards, they come up and converse with you about “where the rhymes come from” and their connection with the dark arts, which is cool but also a bit creepy. Let me know if you’ve hooked up with any of the more attractive sorcerers yet.
On a 6-, come on, you think you were the only crew who’d thought of this idea? There’s a well-established cross-temporal guild known as the Elemental Guardians who make it their business to protect the “proper” (that is to say, temporally linear) development of hip-hop in the known planes. History and context, they claim, matter a lot in preserving the authenticity of the medium and its natural spread. While you appreciate their theoretical position, it’s hard to have a conversation when they’re hunting your asses down. Can you escape, or defeat them in an epic, magical rap battle across time, space, and the 63 boroughs of Dis?
Hugs and kisses,