I need your help! I’m working on my first ever class, and I’d like feedback, specifically:

I need your help! I’m working on my first ever class, and I’d like feedback, specifically:

I need your help! I’m working on my first ever class, and I’d like feedback, specifically:

– there are 10 too many advanced moves; which would you trash?

– are any of the moves too strong?

My skin’s thick enough, so any kind of criticism is welcome. Just comment here or directly in the doc. Thanks you awesome DW Tavernites!

28 thoughts on “I need your help! I’m working on my first ever class, and I’d like feedback, specifically:”

  1. I think your main move might be a bit too proscriptive.

    What if I wanted to play a monk who doesn’t follow a particular element? Or there are different elements?

    I really like how The Initiate:

    https://docs.google.com/file/d/0BzBGv7T2YMphd01qQlQ4dHFXZHM/edit?pli=1

    is done. The main move is just a hand to hand equivalent to the fighter’s signature weapon. The player is free to describe it however they wish, while still keeping with the theme.

    I like the Unbreakable Wall move, but it should be called Strike the wind and it should be a starting move.

    Then Shadow from the Sky should be your third and final starting move with all else as advanced moves.

    I would remove or combine the moves that are simply mechanical +1s.

  2. “I want to use Breath of the Dragon”

    “Okay, what do you do?” 

    “I enhale deeply and then spit fire! Tons of fire All the fire. Everything in the next few miles gets covered in a whiteblue blast of fire” 

    alternatively 

    “I open up a hole under our enemies that swallows them in dirt before closing again” 

    don’t both simply work on level 1? 

  3. Dragon’s Repute 

    you realise that right now this move triggers on EVERYONE YOU WILL EVER MET? You roll that constantly. I don’t think that is intended. “Someone important (your call)” might fix that easily. 

  6. Here are the 10 that I would lose

    -Exploding Claw (one pointed mind already does this and furious storm also buffs your H&S)

    -Shadow from the sky

    -Sundering Claw (You don’t need 2 armor piercing attacks and i prefer breathe the truth)

    -The Way is the Goal (not that exciting to me)

    -Dragon’s Repute (the GM in me wouldn’t want to deal with it)

    -What the sky needs (love the name, wouldn’t ever use an advanced move on this)

    -Ending Claw (see exploding claw)

    -Scales Unbroken

    -In Sight Unseen

    -Eyes of the Dragon

  7. Tim Franzke: Dragon’s Repute is essentially similar to the Bard moves Unforgettable Face and Reputation, but I could change it to “When you encounter someone who’s heard of your order” or something  to limit it a bit.

  8. Tim Franzke Lie Becomes the Truth: really? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a DW move that specifically references “just NPCs”. I’ve always assumed an implicit “moves are always against NPCs, PCs roleplay with each other” in DW. Again, Unforgettable Face and Reputation from the Bard are good examples.

  10. How long does meditating take? About an hour? You should make that clear.

    The Sky Needs move is a non move. If you want it to be a starting move OK, but unless your game world is one where people starve to death often no one will take that over the other options.

  11. You’ve got a good point Jay Vee. The elemental dragon thing is kind of the backbone of the concept though, but I’ve also struggled with it being too specific and prescriptive. Maybe when I get this concept worked through, I’ll think about a more plain vanilla monk.

  12. Matt Balara check Parley or I am the Law. 

    They are especially written that way so that your roll can’t say what another player character has to do. In other PbtA Games that is not really the case. 

  15. Eric Lochstampfor Yup, I struggle with the concept of time sometimes in DW, since it’s not so strictly measured, and most moves that mention time are vague, like the Druid’s Communion of Whispers, “when you spend time in a place…” I actually had an hour in there, then I saw Sage LaTorra’s Battlemind post: “When you have time and tranquility to center your mind and body” and went for something similar.

  17. I like the “about an hour or so” from both the cleric and wizard’s prepare spell move so any type of recovering of hold or spells or what ever is in that same time frame. It’s long enough to be too  long in a tight spot but short enough that you can “press on” with some of the resources recovered after a quick break, fictionally speaking.

  19. I’m coming to realize that the biggest problem with the class is that it basically hands you a very specific backstory, leaving the player very little room to make what they want out of it. Sigh. Maybe I’ll make it more elemental and less draconic, though I do like the dragon part quite a bit. Kill your darlings though, eh?

  20. Nothing wrong with your vision of a dragon theme (and apologies, my earlier critique can definitely be read that way) but I was definitely speaking more towards avoiding giving the player too much specific backstory.

  21. Don’t worry Jay Vee, I don’t feel dissed. 😉 Just seeing an inherent flaw in my idea with everyone’s help. It might be a good class for someone running a specific setting where they fit into the world, but as a class for anyone to make theirs, well, it isn’t. I could make it more just an elemental thing, with a “choose one element, describe your attacks” but… Hrm, I’ll rethink and massage it. I’ve essentially been creating a class I’d like to play, and now I see that to create a really good class, you probably need to imagine 10 very different people playing it instead. GM mind vs player mind.

  22. I feel the exact same way, as far as monks needing to be more mystic, and your class just seems so cool! Unfortunately, it’s way too strong. At the moment he’s far too all-around, and in Dungeon World variety equals power.

    Good luck and I can’t wait to see what your playbook evolves to be!

  23. I like the idea of having armor ignoring punches. But i also think that this should be restricted to Monster where you know the weak point (by discern realitys) or humanoids which have a clear unprotected spot. Also do i think it would be a great 10+ Option.

  24. I gave this another thougt. The ignoring armor punch should be a benefit coming out of the Fiktion behind it. Is it a precise hit or does the focused Power punch a hole through the metal? Or does the shockwave vibrates throug the armor and shatter bones and organes by pure vibration? This could be decided by the monks path and could lead to different negative outcomes. You hit the armor instead of the eye and break your Finger – you punch breaks throug his chest but you are stuck now – the vibratiin goes both ways and you risk breaking your hand if you attack again with it.

    I would consider his load to be very low. Since he does not carry any weapon or armor

  27. My suggestion would be to imply that the path has an impact how and when this perk triggers. Also a short flavortext how this action works would be nice. I think that is very powerful and should have a potential to backfire. Therefore it should not automaticly apply to every attack. High risk high reward something something?

  28. I guess my only gripe is with your “Path of the Dragon”, which seems a little strong to be a replacement of your racial moves. If you moved it down to your Starting Moves then it’d be okay, but then you’d have 6 starting moves when you should never have more than five.

    Constant immunity is a powerful thing to be handing off at first level (I know Paladins does it but that’s a starting move, not a racial one, as well as an argument for another post).

    Bending open locked and barred metal doors and digging easily through any stone obstacle makes me wonder what a Stone-Metal tag team wouldn’t be able to break into.

    Other than that, I agree with your choice of moves to be deleted.

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