I need some help with a custom move for my upcoming family game in the Mystery Islands.

I need some help with a custom move for my upcoming family game in the Mystery Islands.

The Opalescent City of Brass and Glass can only be reached by going over a bridge that crosses the River of the Water Fall and Water Riser. This bridge is actually a multi-dimensional portal that leads to the city.

There are guardians that protect the bridge, and the bridge may be the only way into the city. I haven’t described or named the guardians yet, I want to wait until the first part of the game plays out. But I will definitely introduce the city and bridge at some point.

Here is what I have for a move. Please critique it, help me make it better. Thanks in advance.

When you offer something of value, plead your case or try to fast talk your way across the bridge to the Guardians Roll+CHA. On a 10+ you gain passage across the bridge plus pick 2, On a 7-9 you gain passage across the bridge plus pick 1, On a 6- the Guardians are not interested or find your story unworthy, they instead compel you do something difficult that they need to gain passage. Take -1 Forward on any rolls that are not related to completing their request.

* The guardians give you a warning about what to watch out for in the City, something relevant and useful about the Opalescent City of Brass and Glass similar to a spout lore.

* The guardians tell you several parables about the city. This takes a while, spend a ration to keep them talking. Gain 2 Hold. Next time you have have to Discern Realities in the City you spend one hold to turn a failure into 7-9 result. Tell the GM what was in the parable after they answer your Question.

* Your weapons are not sealed with Murray’s Reoccurring Tesser Knot while in the city. All of your weapons are secured with a shimmering knotted cord holding it place, where you have it hidden or not. You can make out the words, “do not touch unless an emergency” in your native tongue hanging from a small paper tag that seems invunerable. Any time you try to undo the knot you find it to be an elaborate multi-dimensional affair, you just can’t get the knot undone on the other dimensions. If you take damage from a foe that attacks first, the knot unties itself, and your weapon can be freed. Once you put it away the knot reties itself.

* You are not marked with a glowing every changing chromatic Mark on your forehead indicating that you are a stranger to the City. The mark is size on a large coin, and bright enough as the light from a candle. Anyone in the city will know you are stranger. If you cover the mark or change shape, the mark is still there on the outside of whatever you tried to cover it with. It doesn’t sit in this dimension but shines on to it.