3 thoughts on “My first monster for a setting I’m working on. Thoughts?”

  1. It’s not clear to me whether this is an insubstantial thing of shadow, or a skeletal figure of brittle tubes.  Clarify?

    If it’s not actually a physical thing, but is just living darkness that can only be destroyed by bright light, consider removing its HP and armor (and reflecting its weakness in a special quality).  If the intent is that bright light forces it to manifest in a fragile, physical form, then go with that!

    The Special Quality currently feels more like a description.  I’d rephrase with discrete qualities.  E.g. “Intangible cloud of darkness” or “Destroyed when exposed to direct, harsh light.” 

    “When cloaked in shadow, the shadow thief is almost impossible to hit” feels much more like a special quality. 

    “Steal children, kill adults” feels like a weird move to me.  I think the “kill adults” part would be better melded into the “freeze your muscles” move, and the “steal children” move could be more evocative.  Like “Drag a helpless victim away into the night” or something like that?

    If it can “extinguish lights,” how can one ever corner it in bright light?

  2. Great feedback – I think I got some of the fields mixed up.

    I was thinking of this as sort of a magical construct that is physically very weak (hence the 3hp) but is very hard to damage conventionally. I imagine the structure of them looking sort of like Jack from the nightmare before christmas (minus the natty suits)

    I also want these to not just be a monster to dispatch but more of a real fear/danger for the PCs – something that they MIGHT be able to beat if they get lucky but generally will run and hide from. The concept is that children in this town are being taken at night and that these creatures are how they are being taken – the PCs are investigating, and if they get in the way, I want the players to be freaked out, not ready to fight. Maybe only a magical light can blast away these shadows? That would create a nice opening for a magical item to be found in the town’s archives or catacombs.

    I’ll tweak the moves when I get a chance.

  3. It is an interesting monster, a classic bogeyman figure. I like it a lot. I would allow natural light to harm them, after all the players would still need to create a lantern/torch large enough to corner them at night.

    I’d mix in the idea that they need to find something, a blueprint or ancient contraption, before they can set something up. I just think using something mundane against such a frightening supernatural threat might be a change of pace. Of course, if a player is a wizard, a ritual to help it along would be great. 

    I would just give them the option of setting up something elaborate but natural, or magical light. See what they go for themselves after having one scream at a lantern, knock over some candles or something.

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