A bit late for #MagicItemMonday, but…
The Staff Of Infinite Interns
close, two-handed, 1 weight
Any sorcerer knows, it’s not like it used to be – when every blacksmith’s son was eager to take on an apprenticeship in hopes of a better life. Nowadays, any simple peasant can pass the entrance exam to a community college – most of which have at least one hedge mage in the faculty. Even worst wizarding students demand titles and paychecks directly upon graduation. What’s a poor wizard to do?
When the staff is held aloft and the command word is spoken, it vanishes in a cloud of nebulous dust which then coalesces into a random hireling. The hireling looks, acts, and feels just like any living being; they require food and shelter. Upon summoning, the intern believes this to be the first day of their internship. If the hireling is ever grievously injured, they disappear in another cloud of dust and the staff reappears in their place.
CC-BY-SA
This reminds me of a good friend’s college job operating a water jet cutter. The warning label on the device specified that one should not stand any closer than 34’7″ down range. We had a lengthy discussion about how this oddly exact measurement was obtained. The solution, we decided, was that interns were placed at various distances from the water jet. Of course, to be scientifically sound in the approach, the testers began as close to the device as possible. As each intern was cut down the next was placed slightly further away and blasted with the water jet. The first intern to survive was deemed the ‘safe’ distance and that was what was put on the label.
I think the summoned interns should have “College Credits” as their cost, and the staff should stop working if you fail to provide them with it (although posthumous payment is not only accepted, but encouraged).