A brief overview of the “Freddie Mercury and his Bodyguard Fight the Taliban in the Flesh-Pits of Sigil” game.
Dak the minotaur barbarian and Cormac the human bard live in the parish of Cinderfall, which has lately been invaded by a race/culture/movement called the Culminant. The Culminant decry song and dance as “noise of the flesh that drowns out the quiet contemplation of the Universal Song.” Up until game start, Cormac had a license (and a Culminant sex partner) that allowed him to perform his interpretation of liturgical music. (Described to me like “I’m singing songs about God: [sings NIN’s “Closer”]”) Love letters to the two resulted in a 7-9 hit for the barbarian, a miss for the bard. Shit about to get real.
Cormac and Dak awake in their drafty garret to the smell of smoke – not resin in a bubble-pipe, or another mote of coal on the fire, but burning plaster and tar and linen and varnish. After a few seconds to grab essentials, Dak smashes out a dormer and the two rope down into the street, where a group of Culminant aiskoses, the footsoldiers and street preachers of the movement, have arms linked and are preventing a listless bucket brigade from reaching the burning tavern (The Pit Lord’s Pen). Cormac talks to them and discovers that the Culminant desires their fiery death. A little bardic frank talk, and the aiskoses agree that banishment from Cinderfall Parish, never to return and never again to pervert the liturgy, will be an acceptable alternative to their death. So half a dozen rag-wrapped, blue-glowing-eyed whip-thin Culminant with cudgels and knives shepherd them away from the burning tavern.
Before too long it’s clear the dazzling duo are being escorted to Bleak Forge Parish, a place populated by the denizens of a plane where every living thing is a piece of magical clockwork. It’s relentlessly hostile to meat-beings. Cormac tries to convince the guides that the neighboring Aethereal Sky-wharves parish is just as good, but the Culminant ain’t havin’ none of that. After foot-dragging and insults from both Cormac and Dak, the aiskoses get fed up and attack!
What Are You Waiting For? works phenomenally well, and the Culminant ignore Cormac to concentrate their efforts on the bellowing, 7’6″, two-handed-sword-wielding minotaur. While Dak carves up one of them, the other aiskoses go low and inside, slashing at his legs in an effort to hamstring and/or exsanguinate. Cormac starts up a Culminant hymn and his partner’s blood ceases to patter on the filthy cobbles – however, two of the remaining Culminant turn to attack the bard, who Defends (can you stand in defense of yourself? I figured you could) and beats both away, sending one backstepping right into Dak’s sword. Heads are crushed and glowing blue living-glass eyes pop on the street kerb like cheap Christmas ornaments.
Diminished from 6 healthy to 4 dead, 1 gravely wounded, and 1 healthy the last aiskosis flees. The dying one reveals, at the prompting of some frank talk from the bard, that he serves a ploiarch who is a rival to Cormac’s lover (stealing heavily from Iain M. Banks, the Culminant have a transfer sex. “Oh, the things you can do with an evertible vagina.”) revealing a deep crack in the uniform facade of the Culminant.
At that point, our respective 3-year-old children intervened and the game was called on account of being parents.
I guess that brief overview turned into an AP.